nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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