i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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