Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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