I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
