I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
