when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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