so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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