I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
