New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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