I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
