saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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