So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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