You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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