id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
