Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
