census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
