Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
