I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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