it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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