When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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