Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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