now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
