My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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