Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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