he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
