u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
