I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
