mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
