i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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