So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
