guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
