With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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