sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
