I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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