david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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