8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
