yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
