y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
