I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
