Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
