oh god the rape fog is back!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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