Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
