Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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