I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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