The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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