ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
