I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
