Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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