fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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