I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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