if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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