I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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