did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
