ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
