Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
