HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
