Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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