Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
