get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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