I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
