the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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