You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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