He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
