did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
