I wish life had little blips of pornography
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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