I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
