so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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