I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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