my shit smells like andre
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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