I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So squirting runs in the family.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
