super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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