peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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