after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
