I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I cockslap morals
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
