You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
