Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
